Signature Drinks of Kardashian Island

The Health Screen
Artisanal NyQuil, cruelty-free soda water, saltine cracker garnish, evaporated anxiety, hand-poured in a discarded latex glove.

The Welcome Toast
LinkedIn-endorsed coconut, oxygen compote, expired rum from a locally shuddered business, warmed with the embrace of a should-we-shouldn’t-we hug.

Movie Night Mojito
Blended shards of Paddington 2 DVD, stifled yawn, juiceless lime, poured over Faberge ice. #Ad #Paddington2

The Circle of Friends
Fermented diamond gelatin, served in a hollowed out bagel.

The Taste of Normalcy
Bottled Budweiser, dumped in the sand, refilled with liquified Bitcoin, wrapped in vintage Hermès gauze koozie.

The Birthday Cake
Archival Funfetti batter, gluten-free illuminated Bible mist, spiked with a whisper of antique rum sourced from the Temple of Doom.

The Humble Tweet
Yeezy sneaker with a single sip of organic chicken broth; blessed by eleven Calabasas monks via Zoom.